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By CHUCK DARROW
Courier-Post Staff
It's a good thing Miguel de Cervantes didn't set his classic novel, Don Quixote, in modern times at the Jersey Shore. That's because his hero would have been hard-pressed to find a windmill at which to tilt among the dozens of miniature golf courses that dot the coast from Cape May to Long Beach Island.
A recent Shore miniature golf expedition covering two days, six courses and 126 holes revealed that the windmill - the icon of the game enjoyed by millions of Americans - has pretty much gone the way of tail-finned cars and rotary telephones.
It wasn't until the 95th hole of the mini-golf marathon that one was found. That was the fifth hole at The Beacon in North Beach Haven. As a matter of fact, moving mechanical obstacles are as hard to find as free, legal parking spaces a block from the beach.
Instead, many of today's miniature golf courses are designed more like their full-blown counterparts: unobstructed greens with serious hooks and doglegs, bunkers and rises surrounded by waterfalls and caves.
So who's to blame for the sea change in this beloved game? Sophia Disney, marketing director for Wildwood-based Harris Miniature Golf Courses, points the finger at her boss, Rich Lahey.
"The game of miniature golf grew up," said Disney. "When he bought the company in 1988, they were still doing windmills and clown mouths and lighthouses. There was nothing there to hold the interest of players.
"So he designed the garden-style course with contoured greens that break. (The design) brings in repeat play because it's challenging."
Such an assessment is definitely in the eye of the putter.
Of the six courses selected to review, two were designed by Harris. But while Middle Township's Island Fun Park Miniature Golf was difficult, the course at Atlantic City Miniature Golf was not particularly tough or interesting.
According to 11-year-old Glen Gabriel of Edison, the Atlantic City layout is "kind of basic. Every hole is the same."
Not so the Island Fun Park course, easily identified by the giant gorilla standing guard at the entrance to the amusement complex in which it is located.
"People definitely like it," said manager Bill Flynn of his course, the only one surveyed to feature actual " pins" - thin metal poles with flags identifying each hole. " It's uphill, downhill ... some holes are even a little sideways."
Indeed, its assortment of nasty, frustrating humps and severe grades could give Tiger Woods conniptions. Of the six courses, this was the only one on which this player took the maximum six strokes. Worse, it happened on consecutive holes, including the eighth, which has what appeared to be a 10 percent uphill grade.
Other toughies include the 14th, which is only about 10 feet in length but which has a gravel pit that makes getting to the pin a lot harder than it looks.
If Island Park was the roughest of the six, La Mer Mini Golf in Cape May was definitely the easiest.
My golfing partner and I breezed through this compact, garden-style, 40-par course. However, it proved to be the most exciting of our games, as we matched each other stroke- for stroke through 16 holes. I won the 17th, 2-3, which allowed me to post a 38-39 victory.
The more interesting holes include the 10th, a "blind" hole that runs under a waterfall rock formation, and the 12th, another blind hole with a stream behind it. This makes it easy to dunk a ball for a penalty stroke.
What Atlantic City Miniature Golf lacks by way of a sporting challenge, it covers with its location. Set along the boardwalk opposite the Boardwalk Convention Hall, the course provides players with unparalleled people-watching opportunities as well as the usually present sea breeze. On what was, at that time, the hottest day in a couple of years, playing the course in the noonday sun was not particularly debilitating.
The most interesting hole was number 12, a complicated, over-under, figure-8 affair. The rest were typical dog-leg- and-hump numbers. The 13th hole provides a nice view of the beach and ocean.
The fourth course played was Sea Isle City's Pirate Island Golf, which is co-owned by departed 76ers' President Pat Croce. The main thing to be gleaned from this multi- level course is that you need not worry about Croce paying his bills. At $6.95 a person, it was by far the most expensive course played.
Apart from the price and the wood trim and netting decor suggesting a pirate ship, there is little that sets Pirate Island apart. Hole 12 is cave-like, and there is a " treasure chest" behind rusting iron bars adjacent to the green. However, the hole itself is simply an unobstructed 15-foot straightaway.
Number 16 is probably the trickiest hole, as the cup sits in the middle of a small rise behind strategically placed wooden posts.
For those with a nostalgic bent, Ocean City's Goblin Golf joins The Beacon as a must-play course.
Located on the boardwalk, this course has a horror theme. Among its features are giant, red-eyed rats poking out of a huge chunk of Swiss cheese (hole 3), a mummified skeleton chained to a wooden wheel (hole 4), and a glass- encased mummy that bolts upright from the waist (hole 17).
Goblin Golf also has several mechanical obstacles, including the "Torture Wheel," which utilizes moving planks that block the path of the ball, and the Dracula hole (14), whose fangs slide horizontally.
When all was said and done, it was The Beacon on Long Beach Island that best captured the pre-Lahey heyday of mini-golf.
"Everybody is going the modern way, with just cement and rocks," said owner John Henning. "We're trying to keep the traditional way, with moving obstacles."
In addition to the long-sought windmill, The Beacon also claims such old-fashioned touches as a miniature wooden Ferris wheel (hole 9), a miniature biplane whose propellers create an obstacle (11), a covered bridge (16) and a red, metal loop-the-loop (21).
The Beacon is also the only one of the six courses to require players to take their first shot from an old-style, three-hole rubber mat, rather than from the green itself.
Which is why Henning noted his 50-year-old course remains popular with the LBI sporting crowd. "People like the old style," he said. "We still get people in their 50's who played here when they were kids."
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