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CAMDEN
Text of Rabbi Fred J. Neulander statement at his sentencing Thursday in Superior Court:
Neulander: I would request just so I might have some greater freedom, just so the cuffs might be removed. Is that a possibility?
Judge Linda Baxter: Generally speaking, people who are sentenced, are sentenced in handcuffs.
Neulander: I am less than prepared. I had assumed I would not be here and therefore these, the application for waiver I assumed would be accepted as a statutory issue andI respectfully disagree with the court's decision. I mention that only because the preparation is so short in regard to my ability to plan some thoughts that would be appropriate. What I would request only is some understanding when I need to stop for a word, stop for a thought, and to stop for a transition.
There have been a number of people who have been extraordinarily helpful in this time of incarceration of about 30 months. One of them, matter of fact a couple of them, but one in particular made a very intriguing observation and an important one for me personally and that is that there exists in almost everyone the private part of a person, and the public part of a person.
I have sat here today for the half-hour, and the public part of the person has heard the rage, the anger, the distress - but I've also heard the calumnies and the perfidies. I've heard the need to release rage and anger and I don't doubt that at all.
What I need to tell you is that that internal issue, the internal part of me, cannot be reached. I say this to you and I say it to those who have in person and in post, in letters, responded to this situation. I don't say it in terms of confrontation, that I cannot be reached by their pain and their hurt and their anger. I do not say it in consention. I do not say it certainly in anger. I do not say it by all means in terms of some puerile, foolish, macho that I can't be reached by real emotion.
I can't be reached because the internal person, the private, knows something that no one else in this room knows. And that is my innocence. I am aware honestly of the court's, the jury decision, but I know in my heart, my mind, the decision is wrong. It's a hard thing for me to say, to hear, for 12 people to hear, or the prosecutor to hear, or any of the family to hear, but it is wrong.
That place that is so private knows the truth. That place that is so private has other resources that I need to call upon.
Those people who have spoken, and I assume that you will speak as well, and I assume that your remarks will be somewhat similar and I apologize if that is the wrong assumption, but that is my assumption. I assume no more and no less, that you would join in condemnation. To those people who have assaulted the outside of me, the external person, I would remind you that there is a biblical quotation. It comes from, and I hope I'm correct here, from the opening verses of the 23rd chapter of Exodus. It is remarkably applicable to these proceedings because,when interpreted,it speaks of judges, of honest witnesses, of prosecutors, etc.
Its coda, its ending, is as follows: Thou shalt not follow the multitude to pursue evil.
I know what no one else in this room knows, and that private part of me is what cannot be breached and that's what I meant in terms of - not that I wasn't listening, not that I didn't hear - but I also know what is true and what is untrue. What the multitude may say and what the multitude may think. That private part of me also is that which will allow me to go wherever I am assigned, for as long as you are going to assign me, and make a different kind of a life. And make a contribution in that kind of a life. It will allow me that private part knowing that there is the truth that I know, that private part of me will also allow me to proceed and to someday - and I hope it's sooner rather than later - correct that which was in my knowledge a wrong judgment.
I ask the judge, I ask the court through you to listen to the verbs. Listen to the verbs. I and I alone know that I am innocent. Everyone else who has spoken, everyone else who has provided written material, believes that I am guilty. Or more insidiously needs to believe that I am guilty. And there are immense differences between knowing and believing or needing to believe.
And that's part of the reason that however intense and however real - and I don't doubt any reality of feeling - that's why the inner person is not going to be affected. The outer person is. The words hurt. The distortions hurt. And that is part of what I will live with, but the inner person knows.
There were two killers in Carol's death. One, a young man whose brain is so addled by abuse of alcohol and drugs that he is barely sensient. The other - and I've heard this phrase so many times and it's become a distortion - Len Jenoff I have heard is poor and pathetic, pathological liar. I would respectfully disagree with that. He is a pathological liar, and that I hope was amply proved in court. He is not poor and he is not pathetic. The pattern of this man's life is to insinuate himself with many people and that has been detailed as well. He insinuated himself and in his way, takes from people time, sympathy, energy, services, goods, and at times, money. And then his pattern is to betray them. He did that with me.
He came and his, this is a a term I don't think I need to take a great deal of time with, his modus vivendi here is the tyranny of the weak and it's done a lot, in all kinds of relationship. I am - one comes to another and says, `I'm destitute and I've had bad things happen to me. I've had things I'm responsible for and I know that, I'm worthless. I have a self-image that is valueless.' And that becomes a tyranny. I have seen it between husband and wife. I have seen it between children. I have seen it between siblings. I have seen in between friends - one person lays out in pain and agony and the other person is somehow, the stronger one is manipulated into meeting the needs. That's the way Len Jenoff works, and with some great success, and then he betrays.
All of those people on his list of referrals for his license have been victimized. And I have to assume that what he did to me was part of his mechanisms. I know it is.
He betrayed me first, foremost, in taking Carol's life. His further betrayal was to take the stand and lie. This is not the time to rehearse the whole trial, I understand that. But what I know of him and what I know of the truth and what I know of my actions and what I know of my behavior and what I know of my innocence is that upon which I depend and I share that with you. So that's why these moments don't reach what I know to be true.
The external person is hurt, not in terms of injustice. But the external person is embarrassed. The external element in me is mortified and chagrined. But I rely on the truth that I know. It is in that internal moment, activity, reality and truth, where I live and breathe and have my being. That is such a beautiful thought and such an enormouslypowerful quote, I am obliged to give authorship.
The candor I offer here is not a rehearsal of the trial but that ...
Baxter: You don't mean rehearsal. You mean rehash?
Neulander: Yes.
The candor that I offer is not to rehash the trial but to let you know what part of me listened, and that was all of the part of me that was external. And what part of me knows the truth and cannot be assaulted because of my knowledge. Not because someone wishes it, believes it with great intensity.
That's the only way I can approach you. You mentioned it also, that part of your reason for having me here is the concept of rehabilitation. You also mentioned the reality that in 30 years I probably will not be here and therefore that seemed to me to vitiate the issue of rehabilitation.
I cannot express remorse for something I did not do. I have been asked to do that, I assure you, by any number of people. And it would probably be much easier. But I also cannot violate what I know, not believe, but what I know would be the case. This is not an issue of simply ignoring what might be and ignoring what might soften everyone else' s thought.
The reality is when the judgment came down, it was a death sentence. You've expressed that. Mr. Riley expressed that. I think everyone in this room knows that. And I will live with that, with of course the hope of changing, with an appeal. I express to you as honestly as I can the difference between the outside, the external person, and the inside person who knows the truth. Thank you.
