They built it. Now will anybody come?
Looking for a cheap way to get from Camden to Trenton? By as soon as the middle of next year, NJ Transit might have the answer for you and the dozens of others seeking such an opportunity.
But we have to wonder why NJ Transit, which is so worried about the success of the still-under-construction South Jersey Light Rail Line that it's considering making rides free to entice riders into the seats, would get cheap on us now.
Why, after spending about $1 billion on what's been called a "transportation boondoggle," don't they really make a push for passengers? Here's a few can't-miss ideas:
•Free shiny new Sacagawea dollar coins to every rider. Why ride for free when NJ Transit will pay you for your time? And it's not like the U.S. Mint is having much luck getting rid of the millions of already-minted coins, so this option kills two albatrosses with one stone.
•Bar car. Whether you're going to Trenton or Camden, wouldn't a good stiff drink be a good idea? Sure, the trip's only 34 miles, but that's plenty of time for a shot and a beer.
•Jersey "celebrity" appearances. Surely your commute would be more pleasant if you got to sit next to Joe Piscopo, Jerry Lewis, Whitney Houston, Dionne Warwick or, perhaps, a Frank Sinatra look-alike. And, oh, the stories you'd have for your friends.
Who said a transportation boondoggle can't be fun? Sadly, the state will have to make money to keep this project alive somehow. For this, we have but one idea:
•All governors all the time. Kick back and relax as the greatest hits from Jersey's chief executives, past and present, are broadcast throughout the train. Maybe you'll get to hear Jim McGreevey's unique brand of political doublespeak, Jim Florio's promises not to raise taxes, or, if you're really lucky, Christie Whitman's explanation of why a $1 billion rail line from Camden to Trenton is a good idea in the first place.
This plan, in effect on perhaps one out of five trains, would be kept secret until the train is in motion. Income would be generated through motion-sickness bags provided to those with weak stomachs for a small fee and earplugs offered for a somewhat larger fee.
NJ Transit has a real winner on its hands.